ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
