so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
