so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
