Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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