i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
