I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
