Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
