Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
