lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
