Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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