Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
