Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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