OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
