the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
