im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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