I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
