I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
