I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
