I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
