apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
