She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
