Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
