I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
