I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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