Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Enjoy the penises
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
