you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
