just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
