Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
