is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
