So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
