Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
