First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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