I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
