im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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