There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
