fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
