I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who died my cat blue again?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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