We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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