I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
