sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
