I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
