That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
