I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
