I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
