i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
