The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
