i would punch a child for taco bell
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
