when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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