matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
