I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
