I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
