we're blogging at a bar
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
